The sober curious movement is a growing group of people taking a mindful approach to alcohol intake and drinking culture. Sober curiosity has a broad range of purposes when practiced by different people. The sober curious lifestyle may mean totally avoiding alcohol or a deliberate examination of one’s drinking habits. This article will detail the origins of the sober curious movement, ways to be sober curious, and how mindful drinking can affect your physical and mental health.
Alcohol use in America
According to the 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 29.5 million Americans over 12 years of age had alcohol use disorder in that year. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism defines alcohol use disorder as “a medical condition characterized by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences.”
One-quarter (25%) of American men and women had at least one day of binge drinking (five or more drinks for men, four or more for women) in the past year. 385 Americans die from excessive alcohol use every day, and Americans as a whole lose over 3.6 million years of potential life each year due to excessive drinking.
While the United States drinks less than other countries in the world, these numbers still reflect the shocking and seriously harmful effects that alcohol use has on our collective health and well-being.
Sober curiosity intends to reframe Americans’ relationship to their drinking habits in a non-judgemental and individualized way.
The meaning(s) of sober curiosity
Sober curiosity has taken many shapes and names. You may have heard of Dry January or Sober October, designated windows of time people adopt to curb their substance use. Many people use these months as short-term resets on their alcohol consumption habits.
Sober curiosity, coined by Ruby Warrington, the founder of Club Soda, implies a broader and more long-lasting approach to mindful drinking habits. In her 2018 book Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol, Warrington examines her relationship to alcohol and drinking culture.
Unlike the complete avoidance of alcohol practiced by Alcoholics Anonymous and other substance abuse support groups, sober curiosity, as outlined by Warrington, is more of a personal journey that encourages the individual to question their drinking. In her own words, Ruby Warrington says being sober curious means “to choose to question, or get curious about, every impulse, invitation, and expectation to drink, versus mindlessly going along with the dominant drinking culture.”
For some, the sober curious journey may mean totally ceasing all alcohol use. Others may just be more thoughtful about where and when they drink. It is not a one-size-fits-all program; it is a personal practice that centers the individual’s relationship to drinking.
Sober curiosity vs. sobriety
Sober curious people take a different approach to alcohol use than those who are sober. Sober curiosity may or may not be a total avoidance of alcohol use. Many people who consider themselves to be “sober curious” have not experienced the social and physical harm or nearly uncontrollable cravings that are associated with alcohol use disorder.
If you are sober curious, you may have a history of drinking socially but not daily. You may not have cravings to drink or drink more than others around you. People in the sober curious movement tend to have doubts or concerns regarding how and when they drink and want to take a more mindful approach to their drinking without totally cutting all alcohol out of their lives forever.
Sober curiosity is not recommended for people who have alcohol use disorders or other substance abuse problems. These conditions can seriously affect your physical, mental, and social health and require more committed treatment, such as a complete avoidance of alcohol or recreational drugs.
How to be sober curious
As suggested, there is no one way to “be sober curious." When you adopt a sober curious lifestyle, you may choose to only drink on special occasions with loved ones, or you may never touch an alcoholic beverage again. It depends on your relationship with alcohol and the changes you want to make in your life.
If you want to try the sober curious lifestyle, start by adopting these simple strategies:
Pay attention to your drinking habits
One of the first steps to becoming sober curious is turning that curiosity on your habits. Do you tend to drink socially or alone? Do you have specific triggers that make you want to drink, such as social situations, work functions, or stressful events? When you drink, how much do you drink, and how easily do you stop?
As you begin to take stock of your habits, it is also beneficial to examine how alcohol makes you feel when you drink it. Does it help your stress or aggravate it? Do the hangovers that result from a night of binge drinking cause you anxiety or physical discomfort? Does drinking socially help you become more outgoing, or does it make you turn inward and moody? Different people will have different answers to all of these questions. But these inquiries will help you better understand what drinking means to you and what cutting back could mean.
Make your own plan
A hallmark of sober curiosity is how it manifests in different people. After interrogating your relationship with alcohol, make a plan to either cut out drinking or curb your drinking. Your plan may mean adhering to a one-drink-a-week rule (like having one glass of wine on a Friday night) or forgoing alcohol for the foreseeable future.
If you do choose to limit rather than stop your alcohol use, consider the benefits of that one drink. Are you still using substance use to cope with stress? By only drinking socially, are you using alcohol to lubricate yourself with liquid courage when a more mindful and considered approach to socialization may pay greater dividends? Of course, you don’t need to quit drinking totally. That flexibility is a cornerstone of the movement, but if you do, consider why you’re choosing to drink even in limited quantities.
If you want to abstain from alcohol entirely, consider starting off by doing so for a limited period of time. This is where a Sober October or Dry January may come in. A limited reprieve from drinking can introduce some of the health benefits that come from sobriety while giving you a more attainable goal to start with.
Set yourself up for sustainability
Sober curiosity is non-judgemental, meaning that there is no success or failure. Think, instead, in terms of sustainability. How does it feel to maintain this mindfulness around drinking?
There are several ways to help yourself sustain a sober curious lifestyle. Practicing sober curiosity for predetermined windows of time lessens the stress of going cold turkey and hoping the change will last forever.
In addition, you can find fun ways to socialize and enjoy yourself without drinking alcohol. Consider ordering a mocktail instead of your go-to cocktail if you’re out at a bar or club with friends. Depending on the watering hole, this may be a soda and lime or a fancy showstopper made with alcohol-free ingredients. With sober curiosity gaining steam across the country, many bars and restaurants now feature a deep (and usually delicious) non-alcoholic drink menu that will allow you to feel like you’re indulging yourself without imbibing.
Health benefits of sober curiosity
Alcohol use has a wide range of effects on our bodies and minds. It can affect sleep, mental health, and physical well-being in equally. Studies have shown that even one month of sobriety can provide health benefits. Over the long term, refraining from drinking has a positive impact on your health in ways that include:
- Better sleep
- Lower blood pressure
- A stronger immune system
- Reduced risk of liver disease and heart disease
- Reduced risk of cancer
- Decreased risk of depression and other mental health conditions
While additional effects are often anecdotal, some people have found that curbing drinking has improved their skin health, energy levels, and mood.
Sober curious resources
If you want more information about the sober curiosity movement for yourself or a loved one, consider checking out Ruby Warrington’s book and accompanying podcast. You can also check out the Reframe App, which offers daily tools for changing the way you think about your drinking. In addition, SMART Recovery offers toolkits, handbooks, a mobile app, and more to support yourself and others through the sober curious journey.
How Sesame can help
In addition to the resources listed above, healthcare providers on Sesame can talk you through your questions or concerns regarding your drinking or sobriety during an online mental health appointment. These convenient and affordable video visits connect you to licensed mental health care experts who can provide professional advice regarding your substance use and possible treatment options.
A personal story from the author
Sober curiosity is a topic that I have personal experience with. I first encountered sober curiosity in 2022. My drinking had been steadily increasing during the COVID-19 pandemic, which started with a glass of wine every night at dinner, evolving to a few pre-dinner cocktails, wine with dinner, and a post-meal nightcap (usually of the whiskey or vodka variety). It was clear that my control over my habits was becoming increasingly shaky. After one night of binge drinking that led to sickness and a shattering hangover, I decided I needed to change how I was treating myself.
I had been a fairly regular drinker since college. I never defined my drinking as a “problem,” but I had lost track of the last time I had strung together three alcohol-free days. I decided to give myself the gift of resources: I bought Warrington’s book, downloaded her podcast (and podcasts she guested on), downloaded the Reframe app, and poured all the remaining liquor in my home bar down the drain.
I committed myself to one year of no alcohol. When out with friends, I drank 0-ABV beer, wine, or a mocktail (or I just had soda water). If I really wanted to treat myself, I’d have a sugar-free soda.
Within two weeks, I had visibly lost weight. My persistent acne disappeared almost completely, and I no longer had to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I was sleeping great, I looked good, and I felt terrific. Warrington talks about this window in her book. It's a bit of a honeymoon period, to be sure. Stress eventually does come, sleep gets disrupted, and I still get an occasional whopper of a pimple.
After several months, however, I had rearranged my perspective on drinking. I realized I didn’t need it to overcome social anxiety; in fact, I found that being sober during social functions actually made me more attentive, open, and engaged in conversation. I wasn’t better when on booze; I was just boozier. Sober curiosity wasn’t without cravings for liquor, but the other side of alcohol use felt so good the attraction had seriously diminished.
No one experiences sobriety or sober curiosity in the same way. My experience with this lifestyle change will not be yours. But, my experience was one of joyful self-discovery, fulfilling discipline, and overwhelmingly positive effects on my mental and physical health.
Even if you don’t feel like you struggle with drinking, I recommend at least getting curious about how and why you drink. With so many Americans struggling with alcohol dependency or alcohol use, it certainly doesn’t hurt to see what’s at the root of your habits and what good you may do yourself when you stop living at the bottom of a glass.