Men have been fighting premature ejaculation since the days of the Ancient Roman Empire. The Ancient Chinese developed Fangzhongshu, a sexual skills practice, to treat PE. Today, anywhere from 30-70% of men experience premature ejaculation at some point. It’s normal to orgasm quickly during sex. However, if it happens repeatedly, it can affect your sex life and self-esteem.
The tips below can help you last longer in bed, improving your sexual performance and your partner’s pleasure. Try these out to unlock new levels of sexual satisfaction.
How long should a man last before ejaculating?
Premature ejaculation is a form of sexual dysfunction. Strict definitions of PE vary. The International Society of Sexual Medicine defines PE as ejaculating within 1 minute of penetrative sex. The American Urological Association defines PE as “... when a man climaxes and ejaculates (releases semen) sooner than he would like during sex.”
Early orgasms are totally normal and not a sign of any sexual dysfunction. It happens. However, repeatedly having orgasms before you or your partner want you to can cause strain on the sexual health of your relationship.
If you don’t last for hours during sex, don’t worry. A 2008 study of sex therapists found that 7–13 minutes of sexual intercourse is "desirable.” Less than that is considered “adequate” or “too short.” Lasting much longer than 10 minutes starts to be considered “too long.”
In another study, 500 heterosexual couples were asked to start a stopwatch after penetration. They were to stop the stopwatch after ejaculation. The average time of sexual intercourse for these couples was 5.4 minutes.
These examples show that it’s not normal, nor widely desirable, to have the sexual stamina to last for hours and hours. However, if you are looking to delay ejaculation and last for a longer amount of time, try using the techniques listed below.
How to last longer in bed
1. Strengthen your pelvic floor muscles
Yep. That means Kegel exercises. Pelvic floor exercises are workouts for the muscles that support your bladder and enable ejaculation. Making these muscles stronger can give you better control of ejaculation. They can also improve erectile function.
Familiarize yourself with these muscles by stopping your urination mid-stream. Squeeze your glutes and your pelvic muscles as if you’re stopping your urine stream while peeing. You can even do this while you’re peeing. Squeezing the pelvic floor muscles mid-urination gives you the sense of what muscle group you are going to focus on while doing Kegels.
Strengthen these muscles by squeezing them every day. You can do this while urinating, while lying on your back, or standing. Simply tense the muscles in the pelvis and hold them tense for 5-10 seconds. Then release. Do this 10-15 times per day.
Pelvic floor exercises have been shown to help up to 80% of patients recover from premature ejaculation.
2. Maintain healthy habits
Your wellness is linked to your sexual health. Obesity, smoking, and alcohol abuse all affect sexual function. These issues cause high blood pressure and affect blood flow to the penis, making it harder to function during sex. A healthy lifestyle has been shown to improve how well you perform during sexual activity.
Adopt the following habits to improve your sexual function while fighting off other health issues:
- Exercise regularly
- Follow a balanced diet. It should consist of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and lean protein
- Reduce your alcohol intake
- Quit smoking
- Avoid using recreational drugs
- Practice stress management techniques like meditation and deep breathing
3. Address your mental health
Studies show that mental health and sexual performance are deeply connected. Mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and stress can hurt your performance in the bedroom, too. Plus, all of these conditions are also primary risk factors for erectile dysfunction.
Depression and PE feed off each other: and it can be hard to tell if PE is caused by depression or vice versa. However, getting treatment for mental health conditions through therapy and medication (when appropriate) can significantly reduce your risk of premature ejaculation.
If you are experiencing common symptoms of a mental health issue like frequent sadness, anxiousness, or feelings of worthlessness, talk to a healthcare provider right away to discuss mental health care.
4. Include some foreplay
Only about 18% of people with a vagina are able to orgasm just from penetrative sex. About 36% of people with a vagina need clitoral stimulation to climax.
This is a roundabout way of suggesting that you don’t rush to sexual intercourse. Incorporating foreplay can enhance your and your partner’s sexual experience. It can also delay penetration. Experiment with kinks, massage, and sex toys before getting to the main course.
Foreplay will keep your sex life fun and exciting while helping you delay orgasm.
5. Stop and Start
Once you’ve started having sexual intercourse, don’t feel as though you need to power on through to your climax. Take it slow. Try new sex positions and use the stop-start method to delay your orgasm.
When you feel an orgasm coming on, stop what you’re doing and focus on giving your partner sexual pleasure. Maybe try some mid-intercourse oral sex to stimulate the clitoris while you take a necessary breather. Once you feel the urge to orgasm subside, go back to whatever you were doing.
This technique not only slows down sex but also gets you comfortable with the feeling of orgasm. As you get more used to the feeling of getting close without ejaculating. This helps you react quickly when you feel the orgasm sensation. Then, find alternative methods of giving pleasure until the feeling goes away.
6. Try edging
Edging can be during masturbation or during sex. It helps your body and brain learn to control orgasms better. When using it as a treatment option for PE, do it alone. Like the stop-start technique detailed above, edging involves masturbating until you feel like you’re about to orgasm. Once you feel this, stop.
Familiarize yourself with the sensation of getting close to orgasm. You can then train yourself to stop. Do this until the excitement is under control.
7. Try the squeeze technique
You can use the squeeze technique while practicing edging or during sex. If you feel an orgasm starting, stop and squeeze your penis just below the head. Apply the pressure to the urethra (the tube that runs along the underside of the penis). This will cause the erection to weaken. It will also provide a quick break from penetration, which may delay your ejaculation.
8. Masturbate before sex
If you haven’t ejaculated in a while, the excitement of sex might make it difficult to control the urge to orgasm. A simple way to combat this is to masturbate before having sex. After having an orgasm, your body goes into what is known as the refractory period. This is basically a recovery window. During this time, you might have a harder time getting an erection or working up a sex drive. Your body is recuperating from its last sexual stimulation.
This sounds counterproductive. However, having sex in the refractory period after masturbation can decrease the mental and physical stimulation that causes orgasms. This may help you delay your ejaculation.
9. Use a numbing agent
Desensitizing your penis with numbing creams, sprays, or wipes may help delay ejaculation. Look for topical anesthetic products that contain benzocaine or lidocaine. For example, Promescent makes a benzocaine spray and wipe. In appropriate doses, these drugs can reduce your sensitivity during sex.
Try desensitizing products on your own before trying them with a partner. This will help you understand how they work and how they feel before using them in a sexual situation.
Follow the directions on the product’s packaging. Do not use more than the recommended amount of a desensitization product. Overuse of these products may cause side effects.
10. Wear thicker condoms
Condoms are effective in preventing the transfer of sexually transmitted infections. They also prevent unplanned pregnancies. What you may not know is that they may help you from ejaculating too quickly. Thick condoms may make you less sensitive during penetrative sex.
Certain brands, like Trojan Extended Pleasure, come with a medicated lubricant that desensitizes just the penis.
11. Ask about medication
If self-help strategies like the ones listed above don’t help, talk to a healthcare provider. Ask about other treatment options. They may offer medical advice regarding other techniques to try. Sometimes, they prescribe medication to help improve sexual performance.
Currently, no FDA-approved drugs treat PE specifically. However, sildenafil (Viagra) may help prevent early orgasms. In addition, certain antidepressants, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), have also been used off-label to delay orgasms. Paroxetine (Paxil), sertraline (Zoloft), and fluoxetine (Prozac) are common SSRIs that may be used to treat PE.
The use of SSRIs has been shown to cause side effects in some patients. Talk to your provider about your mental and physical health history. Also, discuss any medication you are currently taking. Do this before taking an antidepressant for PE.
12. Talk to your partner
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, don’t keep your concerns a secret. Talk to your partner about premature ejaculation and performance anxiety. If you are worried about having an orgasm too quickly, you’ll struggle to enjoy sex.
Studies have shown that couples who communicate openly about sex have a better sex life. Choose a comfortable time and place. You and your partner can then have a stress-free and honest conversation about your sexual wants and needs. Encourage each other to be open about how you are feeling, and avoid directing any blame at one another.
Make a plan to address premature ejaculation, or other types of sexual dysfunction, together. This helps take the pressure off one person in the relationship. These conversations can also improve the trust in one another.
If you are having a hard time communicating about your sex life, consider going to a sex therapist or couples counselor to talk through your challenges with a trained practitioner.
Sexual Medicine on Sesame
Don’t let premature ejaculation derail your sex. Talk to a primary care provider or urologist for medical advice.
Sesame offers convenient and discreet online men’s health appointments for PE and other issues. These quick video appointments allow you to discuss your symptoms and potential treatment options with a licensed healthcare provider.
If appropriate, providers on Sesame can prescribe medication and other forms of therapy to help you get your sex life back on track.
