Holiday Survival 101: 9 Ways to Cope With Difficult Family Members During the Holidays

Tips on how to deal with toxic family members during holiday gatherings

The holiday season is upon us, and what should be a festive time that brings loved ones closer together is, instead, a major stressor for a lot of people. Two-thirds (64%) of Americans say their stress increases around this time of year. Weight gain, finances, and travel all play a part in these elevated cortisol levels. So, too, does family.

According to our recent Holiday Stress Outlook, 18% of Americans attribute increased stress levels to navigating difficult family dynamics. We’ve put together a list of simple tips and self-care strategies to help you keep your cool during holiday family gatherings.

1) Don’t Go It Alone

Of the millions of Americans who experience heightened stress over the holidays, only 8% seek mental health care as a part of their coping strategy. Minding your mental health can reduce your stress, protect you against illness, and boost your energy levels. While there are many ways to practice self-care over the holidays, consider seeking additional support from a licensed mental health care professional. With a plethora of low-cost online therapy options available, it’s easier than ever to talk to someone qualified to offer help without adding another big commitment to your holiday schedule.

If you’re looking for a place to start, Sesame offers convenient online online mental health visit with top-rated professionals. You can use these private visits to voice your worries and triggers and discuss potential coping mechanisms with a trained mental health care provider.

2) Make A Plan

Downtime during get-togethers may lead to idle conversations about sensitive topics that can provoke family drama. To avoid these situations, suggest spending time doing an activity or going somewhere together.

For instance, you can bring board games or a jigsaw puzzle to family events to give yourselves something to do (instead of sitting around jabbing at each other). You could make a new holiday tradition by ice skating or going out to eat. A change of pace or scenery may help you avoid tricky family relationships or toxic conversations that spring up from doing the same thing every year.

3) Set Boundaries

Prepare yourself for stressful situations by setting boundaries for yourself and your family members. Don’t be afraid to preface your family holiday time with a gentle but honest limit on what you want to talk about and what you don’t. You might, for instance, say that you are not interested in discussing politics or parenting.

Boundaries could also mean limiting the time you spend with difficult relatives. If being around your dysfunctional family or toxic people affects your mental health and well-being, set a limit on how much time you are going to devote to these gatherings.

Sure, you might get a snarky comment about your self-imposed time limit or conversation prohibition, but it’s essential that you protect your wellness. Some of these boundaries might help diffuse tension felt by others, leading to a more peaceful and pleasant visit.

4) Stick to Shared Interests

If you really don’t want to hear your brother-in-law’s political commentary (or podcast preferences) but have a shared interest in sports, stick to sports. Not interested in parenting tips from Aunt Barbara? Ask her about what she’s been binging on Netflix; maybe you’ll find you have a common watchlist. Adhering to safe conversation is in line with the boundary setting detailed above. If you want to maintain your mental health and seasonal good cheer during family gatherings, make a mental note to avoid topics or situations that might trigger drama.

“How ‘bout them Cowboys?” is an evergreen conversation piece for a reason.

5) Take a Break

If the vibe of your family’s Christmas party is taking a turn for the worst, empower yourself to be excused from the proceedings for a deep breath. You can always disguise your intentions by taking a bathroom break or walking outside. Walking, for one, has been shown to positively affect mental health. A time-out allows you to take a few deep breaths and minimize stress.

6) Practice Gratitude

It can be easy to get bogged down in the negative, especially when toxic people surround you. During your time-out walk outside, take a second to recall what you’re grateful for this holiday season. Yes, this may make you feel like a walking Hallmark card, but the benefits of gratitude are backed up by research. Giving thanks for a good relationship or life event has been shown to increase happiness. Dwelling on a hurtful comment or negative interaction can send you into a spiral of anger, frustration, or sadness. Spend a second saying thank you to reorient your mind frame towards positivity.

7) Control What You Can Control

You can’t dictate how your family members will act or what they may say to you. Even if you set boundaries, there’s no sure way to avoid a passive-aggressive barb or insensitive quip. While you can’t control all aspects of your family gathering, you can manage your own reactions.

Identify your triggers beforehand and do your best to avoid any stressful situation that may occasion them. You can also make a personal promise to yourself not to get sucked into a bad situation by avoiding prickly topics or engaging in toxic conversation.

If something hurtful or frustrating happens, remember that you prepared yourself for this. Excuse yourself or redirect energy toward something else to protect yourself and others. Controlling your reactions will help you maintain your mental wellness while preventing your emotions from worsening the situation.

8) Don’t Drink Too Much

Nothing sours a holiday gathering like bad behavior. Drinking too much alcohol can make you, or others, argumentative or emotional. If you drink, do so in moderation. If you are hosting a holiday party, consider booze-free beverage options or cut down on how much alcohol you provide. If you’re at someone else’s shindig, try to avoid those who’ve had too much eggnog and devise a plan to keep intoxicated individuals from driving home.

9) Curb Your Expectations

Having a positive mindset before a holiday gathering can help you alleviate stress and protect yourself from stressful situations. But, if you routinely experience disappointment over your family’s behavior around the holiday dinner table, maybe you need to manage your expectations going forward. Expectations that aren’t met can lead to resentment and frustration. Sometimes, we set expectations for someone we know they can’t meet; when they don’t, our disappointment further ingrains our negative feelings about them. Have an open mind and practice gratitude for the good qualities in your family before you get together, but go into the holiday season with a realistic picture of how you can expect the festivities to go. This small step can help keep you from falling into a trap of your own making.

How Sesame can help

The holiday season means different things to different families. If this part of the calendar brings about stress or depression for you, use these tips to help minimize your discomfort. If you want additional support, talk to a licensed mental health care provider on Sesame to discuss your triggers and self-care strategies.